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It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle, by Mark Wolynn
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A groundbreaking approach to transforming traumatic legacies passed down in families over generations, by an acclaimed expert in the field
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Depression. Anxiety. Chronic Pain. Phobias. Obsessive thoughts. The evidence is compelling: the roots of these difficulties may not reside in our immediate life experience or in chemical imbalances in our brains—but in the lives of our parents, grandparents, and even great-grandparents. The latest scientific research, now making headlines, supports what many have long intuited—that traumatic experience can be passed down through generations. It Didn’t Start with You builds on the work of leading experts in post-traumatic stress, including Mount Sinai School of Medicine neuroscientist Rachel Yehuda and psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score. Even if the person who suffered the original trauma has died, or the story has been forgotten or silenced, memory and feelings can live on. These emotional legacies are often hidden, encoded in everything from gene expression to everyday language, and they play a far greater role in our emotional and physical health than has ever before been understood.
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As a pioneer in the field of inherited family trauma, Mark Wolynn has worked with individuals and groups on a therapeutic level for over twenty years. It Didn’t Start with You offers a pragmatic and prescriptive guide to his method, the Core Language Approach. Diagnostic self-inventories provide a way to uncover the fears and anxieties conveyed through everyday words, behaviors, and physical symptoms. Techniques for developing a genogram or extended family tree create a map of experiences going back through the generations. And visualization, active imagination, and direct dialogue create pathways to reconnection, integration, and reclaiming life and health. It Didn’t Start With You is a transformative approach to resolving longstanding difficulties that in many cases, traditional therapy, drugs, or other interventions have not had the capacity to touch.
- Sales Rank: #7939 in Books
- Published on: 2016-04-26
- Released on: 2016-04-26
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.31" h x .87" w x 6.38" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 256 pages
Review
Praise for It Didn’t Start with You
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“Mark Wolynn does a masterful job of illuminating the ways in which our ancestors’ unresolved suffering, often unknown to us, disables us and binds us painfully to them. He gives us the tools and skills—an approach that combines understanding, imaginative dialogues, and compassionate reconnection—to free and heal ourselves.”�
—James S. Gordon, MD, author of Unstuck: Your Guide to the Seven-Stage Journey Out of Depression
“It Didn’t Start with You takes us a big step forward, advancing the fields of trauma therapy, mindfulness applications, and human understanding. It is a bold, creative, and compassionate work.”
—Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness and Real Happiness
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“This groundbreaking book offers a compelling understanding of inherited trauma and fresh, powerful tools for relieving its suffering. Mark Wolynn is a wise and trustworthy guide on the journey toward healing.”
—Tara Brach, PhD, author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge
“Mark Wolynn’s extraordinary book cracks the secret code of families and proves that you can go home again—once you understand how history made you. Full of life-changing stories, powerful insights, and practical tools for personal healing, It Didn't Start With You deserves a place on your bookshelf next to Alice Miller’s The Drama of the Gifted Child and Dan Siegel’s The Developing Mind.�You’ll never see your family the same way again.”
—Mark Matousek, author of Ethical Wisdom
“Bridging both neuroscience and psychodynamic thinking, It Didn’t Start with You provides the reader with Mark Wolynn’s hard-earned toolbox of do-it-yourself clinical aids and provocative insights.”
—Jess P. Shatkin, MD, MPH, Vice Chair for Education at NYU Langone Medical Center’s Child Study Center and author of Child & Adolescent Mental Health
“After reading�It Didn’t Start with You,�I found myself immediately able to apply Mark Wolynn’s techniques with my patients and saw incredible�results, in a shorter time than with traditional psychotherapeutic techniques. I encourage you to read this book. It’s truly cutting edge.”
—Alexanndra Kreps, MD
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About the Author
Mark Wolynn is a leading expert on inherited family trauma. As the director of The Family Constellation Institute in San Francisco, he trains clinicians and treats people struggling with depression, anxiety, panic disorder, obsessive thoughts, self-injury, chronic pain, and illness. A sought-after lecturer, he leads workshops at hospitals, clinics, conferences, and teaching centers around the world. He has taught at the University of Pittsburgh, the Western Psychiatric Institute, Kripalu, The Omega Institute, The New York Open Center, and The California Institute of Integral Studies. His articles have appeared in Elephant Journal and Psych Central, and his poetry has been published in�The New Yorker.
Most helpful customer reviews
208 of 220 people found the following review helpful.
Important Book BUT Not For Abused or Traumatized Adult Children
By Sanremo
This book is an important one that I'm glad that the author took the time and effort to write. However, since it falls under the "self help" genre, I feel its also important to make some distinctions about the audience this book best serves. Like another reviewer who wrote "avoid if you've overcome a toxic family", I think this book does not serve them well or anyone who was abused or severely neglected by primary caregivers, at least not initially in their healing process (and maybe not at all). I think a point not emphasized enough in the book is that the author himself spent 2 years on a spiritual journey BEFORE coming to the realization that emotional disconnectedness with his family was at the root of his own health problems (in other words, he did a lot of self-healing before attempting to connect with his parents). It makes perfect sense for him that re-establishing the emotional connection with his parents would be the logical solution to his own healing. Assuming his story is accurate about how his family was merely emotionally disconnected due to a mother stuck in grief and a father who suffered from low self esteem and there was not much in the way of emotional, verbal or physical abuse, this a perfect and beautiful situation in which re-establishment of emotional connection is the answer. However, in the case of abused and traumatized children by their caregivers, this is generally NOT the answer, and especially NOT the first step in the healing process. Abused and traumatized children have serious boundary issues, self-worth issues, difficulty forming healthy relationships, etc., that need to be dealt with first and foremost before attempting to restore relations with very unhealthy and toxic people who perpetrated the abuse. The caregivers are in fact the cause of the trauma and the issues and it is not simply a case of emotional disconnectedness with them. In other words, how can you emotionally connect with a person who is so emotionally shut down and disconnected that they abused their own children? It might be possible in some cases, but it is going to take a lot of energy and effort on the part of the abused child (now an adult) to make it happen and they may even put themselves in danger by doing so. Plus this type of therapy can place an intense internal conflict on the abused child to "make right" what the parents did wrong to them by trying to reconnect with them. I think that's where this type of therapy can do some psychological damage if the facilitator/therapist is not careful. If there is a way to utilize this type of therapy with abused children, this book did not cover it, at least not in much depth and did not recommend resources for people who come from those types of families and situations. I hope that will be rectified in a new edition or perhaps another book.
59 of 62 people found the following review helpful.
It is groundbreaking and worthy of your most valuable resource – your time.
By Louise Caligiuri
Did you ever read a book and as you were reading it think, “this is really smart?” That is my experience in reading It Didn’t Start with You. Mark Wolynn’s book takes you on a journey of self-discovery.
It is compelling as Wolynn shares the stories of clients who have discovered How the unresolved traumas of ancestors can affect one’s life. These stories make meaning of the emerging science behind epigenetics.
It is transformative as you will begin seeing the connections in your own life – connections which may have escaped you for decades but which now allow you to move forward in life.
It is empowering to the reader by offering a toolbox of exercises and activities that you can work through at your own pace and in your own space.
It is groundbreaking and worthy of your most valuable resource – your time.
I will share this with my University colleagues in counseling psychology as well as with my students who seek to make positive change in their lives. A few friends will also be receiving this as a gift.
Louise Caligiuri, Executive Director and Dean of the Eden Hall Campus of Chatham University
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
Transformational. Pivotal.
By AK Andrews
While reading It Didn’t Start With You, I could not help but feel like Mark Wolynn was handing us readers that ever-elusive puzzle piece on a silver platter. In this case, the piece that ties together science, soul, and the shared familial bond that spans generations with something equally transcending – language.
Mark’s core language approach demonstrates that he has mastered what many professionals have only grazed – and that is the ability to listen - to truly hear what is coming through from the often unexposed crevices deep within. That the book could provide such an easy to follow process to enlighten all of us on a healing journey should come as no surprise, since again, Wolynn’s mastery of language communicates his accessible and helpful therapeutic methods with the same ease as if he is confidently taking his charge’s hands to guide them safely and securely across the street.
It Didn’t Start With You is transformational. Mark Wolynn’s contribution will prove pivotal in the field of inherited family trauma.
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